I substitute taught the eight-year olds in church today. I have ventured into Primary only one time since graduating myself and then for only one class on one Sunday as backup support for my sister. I do declare that this might possibly be the most difficult calling in the church (aside from Primary Song Leader, but we'll get to that in a minute). The lesson was Matthew 7:24-26 and at the end everyone was supposed to be able to "choose the right."
The class started with one of the girls running to hide behind the curtains and dance. In short order, she was joined by the other two girls. I found myself saying "is that the right choice?" for the first of MANY times over the next 46 looong minutes, during which time period I was required to use every trick of the teaching trade. I've taught adults for years, presented in front of groups of 100s, trained PhDs, but this was definitely the toughest crowd. Getting catcalled "what's the next game?" and being required to somehow get them to quit jumping from chair to chair while leaving with some sort of religious lesson was a task akin to a performing a blessed miracle. And, in keeping with the preceding 46 minutes, the class ended with me asking, "who would like to say the prayer?" and Danny volunteering his toy werewolf action figure.
After Cairo prayed in lieu of the toy werewolf, we proceeded to Sharing Time. I was asked to stay to provide "adult cover." No joke, and the room never stopped moving. At any given point 72% of the room was squirming. Mid-way through I had to ask Sam to quit sucking on Connor's hand. Connor told me that Sam likes to pretend to be sucker fish with a tone that implied, "and duh, who doesn't like to be a sucker fish". Sam then removed his lips from Connor's hand and proceed to pull out his imaginary light saber to cut the head off of the boy next to him (I surmise that it was a light saber by the sound he was making). I didn't have a watch and had no idea how much longer the torture would continue and considered asking Connor to cut my head off as well. All the while, the poor poor song leader (Allison, you have my utmost respect) continued to lead the group through songs in prep for the sacrament meeting program. The highlight? Watching the little boy who's head had been removed earlier get down to the song "Baptism." Truly, a boogie-worthy song.
So, all you Primary workers out there - my hats off... and to you, Sam, you go sucker fish boy (just make sure that hand is clean).
In honor of eight-year olds, a picture of my favorite eight-year old around
8 comments:
The experience was so foreign to you because when you were eight you spent your time memorizing scriptures and trying to help your younger (and much less righteous) siblings behave. What you experienced with this class is a twisted kind of karma designed to make it possible for you to understand the rest of us.
So very glad you have a sense of humor. Every Primary and Sunday School teacher you had LOVED you. Now you understand why.
Personally, I would have liked to hear the werewolf's prayer.
You were probably right to go with a traditional, person-offered prayer.
I too want to hear what the werewolf would have said. So many possibilities....
And I'm also grateful for this experience. It lends solidarity. Now you truly know my pain, even moreso than when you were my "assistant"!
Who's the girl at the lake? She looks related to you...
I love teaching, yet have always feared primary. Taught the sunbeams just before my mission. Taught the 11 year old girls for a year or so when Madi was born. But little squirmy, irreverent kids, I have no idea. It is looong! I'm a counselor in primary now. It's not as bad as I thought, but then again I always have "backup" when I'm teaching sharing time.
Hilarious! I laughed out loud. And so true to reality! It really IS that bad! Ha ha ha!
it almost makes me glad i'm still in a singles ward. unfortunately there are still sucker fish in my ward. they are just much bigger and attach themselves to women rather than connor's hand. to each their own. (most days i think i would prefer the first type of sucker fish)
So awesome. First of all, welcome back to the world of church service, even if only for a week. :P
Second, here's a true story from Primary today: I asked the kids what they thought would be a good way to remember the words in the song "Stories of Jesus" -- in the second verse, where it says "Words full of kindness, deeds full of grace". A girl raised her hand and said, "We can remember the part about 'words' because you talk too much." Ba-dum ching.
Primary constantly reminds me of Jack Handy: "The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of the face."
Oh geez, I just came out of 12 weeks of subbing in the CTR 6 class. The one thing that worked: M&Ms. Yep, for every "good thing" they did (raise hand, not jump off the chairs onto the floor, assault other class members, etc.) they received a "check." After 5 checks they got *ONE* M&M. It worked. It was genious. I don't know why we don't see this little gem of a reward system on the church website!
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