Under the Influence

Yesterday I drank 44 ounces of Diet Coke. I know, I know, but I was feeling grumpy and thus indulgent. I had 40 minutes to kill. I decided to indulge my grumpiness and kill the time in a 7-11 drinking a Big Gulp reading “People” magazine. And, frankly, I was thoroughly cheered up after learning that Kate and Prince Williams are planning their royal nuptials as I replaced 13% of my body liquids with chemicals of an unknown source. I then went to a gathering where I chased the 44 ounces with another 8. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

I realize that all parts of this story are fairly gross. But, I figure that there are at least 6 grosser things to drink than the D.C. (and in that quantity), 11 grosser places to do it in than a 7-11, and 14 grosser things to read than “People”.

That said, all you who disapprove will be relieved to know that I had ALL night to list out these things. That’s right – all night. I didn’t sleep one minute. Between the bathroom and the caffeine, I was plenty awake and had plenty of time to do some research where I found out that, according to Mayo Clinic, I should probably have my recommend revoked seeing as how I had over 200 mg of caffeine (the equivalent to one cup of coffee) coursing through my body.

I also had a killer headache the next morning. One might call it a Diet Coke Hangover. So divine judgment was rendered. I am duly chastised. And, I now know my limits: the regular size Gulp.