I Want a Cookie

I feed Muslims pork and hospitalized veterans rock hard sugar cookies. And I once told my mom that "if you can read, you can cook."

Yesterday I called her to apologize, after I spent approximately 90 mins working with her remotely to figure out why my sugar cookies didn't rise and the icing tasted the way Pine Sol smells.

When it was all said and done, these words came to me, to the tune of "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" (Cake):

I want a Cookie who
glints with ferocity...
I want a Cookie that
cuts to the heart...
I want a Cookie who
speaks its mind
and makes toes curl
like a morning scream...
I want a Cookie that's
pure as an angel
but laughs with
the devils playing cards...
Its tasting
like a fire burning
deep within...
It's setting the scene...
It's touring the facilities
and picking up slack...

I want a Cookie
with [the proverbial]
short skirt and a
loooooong jacket...